“My life happens, on occasion, to suck beyond the telling of it. Sometimes more than I can handle. Oh, it’s not just mine. Every single person down there is ignoring your pain because they are dealing with their own. The beautiful ones. The popular ones. The guys that pick on you. Everyone. If you could hear what they are feeling. The loneliness. The confusion. It looks quiet down there. It’s not. It’s deafening.”— Buffy Summers, “Buffy The Vampire Slayer” (via serendipitybromance)
I wonder what it’s like to have friends. You know, people you regularly hang out with, make a point of getting together with them. I’m serious. I actually kind of forget what that’s like. Solitude has enveloped me. Even though I live in the same apartment as my boyfriend, sleep in the same bed with him every night, I’m feeling more alone and withdrawn than ever before (okay, slight hyperbole). In all honesty though, it’s like we’re just two people inhabiting the same space, with the minimal amount of communication and interaction possible to have.
I’ve tried bringing up some important topics with him that I feel we need to discuss, but he shuts me down every time. I say to him, “I feel [this]” and “I feel [that]” but he brushes it off. He doesn’t even take me seriously. I said that to him: “You don’t take me seriously anymore.” And he laughed and said, “YOU don’t even take yourself seriously,” then walked away. As if that justifies everything. I don’t even know what he means by that, but apparently it doesn’t matter to him.
I need some change. I hate change, but I need some drastic change right now. Hopefully for the better. ‘Cause you know, I probably just fucked myself with that wish right there.